Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
