why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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