I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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