I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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