You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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