just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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