Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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