I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
