I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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