party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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