So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
