She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
