So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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