is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
