we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
