I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
