Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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