Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize