So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
