well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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