A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
