a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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