Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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