and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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