I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.