Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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