I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
