just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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