I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize