please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
