I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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