Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
