I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
