walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize