I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
