Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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