Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I want is dick and wine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
