omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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