I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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