if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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