No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
