you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
