she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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