i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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