The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
