I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
