So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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