Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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