i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize