oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
