dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
