So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
