Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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