I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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