So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize