I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ugly people sure do ruin things
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
