She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
