I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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